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Some words of wisdom
Brian Hale / Entertainment Editor
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day; and tomorrow’s not looking good either.
I love deadlines. I especially love the swooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute: if he isn’t there the first time you need him, chances are you won’t be needing him again.
I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
My reality check bounced.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape-key.
I don’t suffer from stress - I’m a carrier...
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
Just remember...if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
Laughing stock — cattle with a sense of humor.
You can’t have everything, where would you put it? Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Eat right Stay fit. Die anyway.
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
When you’re swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that’s a moray!
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.
I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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